Trust

I can never be quite sure whether I trust Chris or not. He's not a great liar so I should be able to tell if he were cheating on me. My mind always skips back to Alice and how stupid I felt for trusting him, now whenever I have reason to distrust him my mind reels old movie clips of him and her together. It would be soft and caring and if anyone else saw it it would look like true love and all I can think of is his hands sliding gently over her skin, his eyes looking into hers and his mouth telling her how beautiful she is. When this happens I feel no pain, no sadness, no resentment. Only the sense that it's what I am worth, that I deserve it.

Day by day...

Everyday it's like I feel further away. I'm passed the wanting other people, it's more than that, I'm happy just me to be honest. I'm not even sure if that makes me sad, except that yesterday I was writing a song about you and it brought a tear to my eye to think I might not feel the same any more. I wish I still had a mentor, guidance. Is this normal ? Will things be all right again ? If I ask for space will he ever be the same again?

I think I might have to. I think I need to sort myself out before I can know for sure. This is my fault and I know I care about him, I'm just messed up in the head. I need to break through and I think seeing what life is like without him will help me.
 
:( I just hope that space is something he understands.